
Swerving a little away from the fiction world, I am fully conscious of my daughter almost turning two years old. Her favourite word has become “no” and the tantrums are upon us, so I felt it was a good time to seek some advice from the experts with this children's self-help book. Enter Psychotherapist Philippa Perry, author of The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read. Well, I have read it. But what did I think?
First things first, this isn’t the only children’s self-help book I have read. After reading this one, my opinion had not changed – they all offer different advice and approaches to scenarios with your kids. What does this tell me? That there is no one book that’s going to solve things for you, and that you pretty much just have to work it out yourself, mostly.
However, Perry’s book is well-written and lays out quite nicely the key areas of a child’s upbringing from a developmental and psychological point of view. It is very reflective, even asking me to dig into my own upbringing and recognise why, because of events in my childhood, I am acting in certain ways around my child. To some, this might sound a little far-fetched, but to others, including myself, I agree that there is an unconscious connection between our own childhoods and relationships with our parents and siblings, and the children we are now trying to raise ourselves.
Primarily, the book is about communication and the recognition of feelings. I like how the book explains how children are their feelings, because they don’t know how to recognise their feelings when they are having them, so they show their feelings in extreme ways. This has helped me to understand that my daughter isn’t “naughty” or “down,” but instead is wearing her feelings on her sleeve, which as parents, we need to talk to her about as much as needed.
Of the many children’s self-help books I have read, this has been one of the most informative because it deals with the psychological aspects of raising a child, rather than giving tips on applying a nappy or what should go in a baby’s first aid kit. My key takeaways were:
To recognise moments in your own childhood in relation to how you conduct your own parenting skills.
To acknowledge your child’s feelings: do not deflect, ignore, nor get angry with their emotions.
To identify and share your own feelings with your child about how they make you feel when they conduct certain actions. It keeps everyone in the loop.
To use the structure of language when speaking with your child in solving a problem. Though, it’s going to take some practice!
My only negative feedback is that it does seem to assume a perfect world scenario, which doesn’t exist. I can imagine that if you try to achieve all the advice in the book down to a tee, you will end up falling short. Unfortunately, most of us live in a world where we can’t dedicate 100% of our time to this perfected style of upbringing, but at least it gives you a solid wireframe to work from.
Overall, the book really does well in helping you understand how to understand your child and communicate with them in a way that develops them and keeps your relationship with them intact.
And yes, I do wish my parents had read this book when I was young.
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